It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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