i just sold back the books i vomitted on
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
