Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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