Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
