All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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