No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
