never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
