Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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