Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
