Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
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The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
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I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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