just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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