Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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