i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
