JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
