I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
