They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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