We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
