This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
