My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
