If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
