Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
