If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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