It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
why do cheetos always look like penises
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
