bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
