I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
