my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize