May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
