She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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