so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
