Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
