I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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