His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
