i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
