why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
