It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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