Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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