Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Randomize
