Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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