I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
