What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
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