I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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