Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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