About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
