dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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