Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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