Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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