I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
