My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
