Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Semen is not good for contacts.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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