my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
