Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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