did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
