Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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