Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
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today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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