Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
