three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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