Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
