She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize