An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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