have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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