Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
