I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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