i think i have herpe
just one?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
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Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
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I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You are the jesus of drinking
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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