I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize