If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
