3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
