You made me cry and you don't even care
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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