Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
