Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
